A Bizarre Spectacle - Gianni's At The Former Versace Mansion Miami Beach - Buy Reservations
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😒 3/5 - A Bizarre Spectacle
By 👻 @Jonathan, 03/06/2023 3:00 am
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If Versace were still alive, seeing the circus that has overtaken his pool patio might thrill him, or kill him. When we booked, we weren't sure about the dress code. South beach chic this is not. There are no taboos and anything goes for this Instagram-crazed mass of humanity. Bodies of all shapes and sizes peacock and promenade in ill fitting gowns, denim, jersey, and linen. New stiletto heels stumble on the large patio stones. Monopods and tripods allow these models to video themselves walking descending the stairs, walking around the pool, and posing (over, and over, and over) next to voluptuous urns within arms-length of a server delivering a tray of 8 giant hamburgers and a pizza to a sunburnt, oversized party of six in Disney World t-shirts. A sea of onlookers in sweats, shorts and flip flops gawks and glares. It is a bizarre spectacle, and quite possibly some of the best and funniest people watching I have ever seen. Setting aside the atmospherics... Greeters at the door lacked warmth, but check-in was easy. We were seated immediately. Service was attentive, polite, even friendly. The prix fixe lunch menu made ordering easy. Food came out quickly and accurately. The branzino was very good with a crispy skin, broccoli, and carrots. The octopus carpaccio had little flavor -- skip it. The filet met expectations. We enjoyed the profiteroles, cheesecake, and mango sorbet for dessert. Price was fair for portion and quality. In some ways it felt like a simple, catered meal. If, like Versace, you don't believe in good taste, If you're not blind and can find fashion everywhere, If you're repulsed by obligation, If you find the superficial profound, If you love to see clothes worn by rich, by poor, by everyone, If you believe that things should be more free and democratic, and, If you don't care about money, you just like to spend it... then Gianni's is the place for you. (Note: We would have liked to take a small group tour of the property to learn its history and appreciate the decor, but given the crowd, we found the pull to leave stronger than the pull to look around.)
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